I was thinking this morning about this journey.  It’s now been two weeks shy of fifteen months.  The One who created the heavens and the earth has been with us day by day by day…through treatments, surgery, hospital stays, pain, fears, joys, times of discouragement, and times of incredible encouragement…and He’s used YOU over and over again.

Paul will always have challenges, but he’s come so far, and continues to grow stronger.  On our way into church this past Sunday, we ran into someone that hadn’t seen Paul in awhile.  She said, “You look so healthy!!!”  And he does.  He’s a lot thinner (35 pounds), with a full, CURLY head of hair, and STILL sporting the goatee.  It’s in his coloring, his vitality, his strength—he really does look healthy. 

So where do we go from here?  We will continue to take life ONE DAY AT A TIME, for it is a gift.   After going through all these months of Paul’s illness and recovery,  I’ve thought a lot about the fact that there are so many things that are not important anymore.  So many things that don’t even make the list.  We’ve been forever changed, and I mean that in a positive way.  Life is precious.  And there is a God in heaven who is indescribably dear, ONE that cares about every single thing that concerns us.  And He never leaves us alone.

Hebrews 11:1 (The Message Bible)   THE FUNDAMENTAL FACT OF EXISTENCE IS THAT THIS TRUST IN GOD, THIS FAITH, IS THE FIRM FOUNDATION UNDER EVERYTHING THAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING.  IT’S OUR HANDLE ON WHAT WE CAN’T SEE.

Paul and I are leaving on a business/vacation trip on Friday.  We’re going to Hawaii!  Sticking our toes in the sand, watching sunsets, reflecting on all that’s good…these are a few of the things we look forward to doing. 

We will be forever grateful for your prayers, hugs, notes, and encouragement in countless ways.  We couldn’t have done it without you.  GOD USED YOU to touch our hearts.  What a blessing.  Isn’t that what He tells us is important.  To love Him with all our hearts, and to love others.  In fact, He says it’s the MOST IMPORTANT thing.  He desires to use you and me to be His hands and feet in a world that is touched by hardships, sorrows, pain, suffering, and need.

So, I encourage you to keep on loving, reaching out, encouraging.  Keep on being WILLING to be used to bless another that God brings along your path.  May 2009 be a year that you are more aware than ever of how much God loves YOU and CARES about every single thing that concerns YOU.

Love in Christ,

Diana

TRUST continues to be the theme of my life.  And I’m so thankful that I serve a God who knows the future and holds us close, leading and guiding our lives.  Paul feels like his life has been preserved for a reason.  I agree.  With our own sons, in the workplace, in our neighborhood, on the golf course…I believe Paul will be a witness, proclaiming who God is, and all He has done for him.

This morning my Psalm reading was chapter 41.  Verse 3 especially spoke to me—THE LORD WILL SUSTAIN HIM ON HIS SICKBED AND RESTORE HIM FROM HIS BED OF ILLNESS.

It reminded me of the morning of December 4, 2007.  I’d asked Paul how he was feeling and he said, “Not good.”  Immediately the words came to me—AFTER A LITTLE WHILE HE WILL RESTORE YOU.  I got up and looked for the passage and found it.  This is it—

1 Peter 5:10-11   AND THE GOD OF ALL GRACE, WHO CALLED YOU TO HIS ETERNAL GLORY IN CHRIST, AFTER YOU HAVE SUFFERED A LITTLE WHILE, WILL HIMSELF RESTORE YOU AND MAKE YOU STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST.  TO HIM BE THE POWER FOR EVER AND EVER.  AMEN.

The awesome thing was that was Paul’s very reading for THAT DAY, December 4, 2007.  The possibility that God would bring a verse to my mind, that I didn’t even know I knew, and then Paul would read the exact passage later is staggering.  And it was just what we needed to hear.

I believe that is what God is doing right now in Paul’s body.  He is being RESTORED and STRENTHENED.  What the future holds only God knows.  WE TRUST HIM.  PERIOD.

We’re leaving tomorrow for a quick overnighter in Hood River, Oregon.  Then we leave Sunday morning for eight days in the Phoenix area.  Part business, all pleasure.  And the bonus is that it’s supposed to be SUNNY.  Last year at this time, we were down there, knowing we were returning to start Paul’s chemo and radiation treatments.  What a year it’s been. 

During this month when our hearts turn to those things we are THANKFUL for, our hearts are full of gratitude.  God has been faithful.  We are in awe of WHO HE IS, and that He, the Maker of heaven and earth, communicates with us.  You, dear family and friends, have been a source of great encouragement to both of us.  We humbly say THANK YOU.  

We are ready for all God has for our future, confident that God has a plan and a purpose.  He has that for each of you.

Blessings, dear ones.

Diana

I’ve seen it in the eyes of all three of Paul’s main doctors…they are so pleased with Paul’s progress, and it’s gone differently from what they prepared us for.  We are THANKFUL for the doctors God blessed us with, and felt doors open when we needed each one.  But FROM THE BEGINNING we’ve known that this was truly out of our control, and in God’s hands.  Because of His Sovereignty and purposes Paul continues to improve and go forward.  We are humbled and know that there is a reason for Paul’s life.

Isn’t ALL of life a TRUST issue?  Whether it’s with our health, children, jobs, finances, marriages or in any other area—we simply must TRUST the One who created us to begin with, and is the only One who knows our future.  I’m reading a book with a couple of my neighbors called BELIEVING GOD (by Beth Moore).  We were discussing it last night.  The very first lines of the INTRODUCTION says—Faith is the way believers jump on board with God and participate in countless wonderful things He has a mind to do.  Faith happens when believers believe. 

That is what I feel God has called Paul and me to from the very beginning of this cancer journey—to SIMPLY TRUST.  It’s been a roller coaster of a ride.  And I believe with all my heart that it is day by day, 24/7, for the rest of our lives, to SIMPLY TRUST.  Walking with Jesus is an adventure—with the One who desires to lead, guide, and speak to us, if we will but listen.

I’m so thankful to Him for His tender loving care, when we were blindsided by the words CANCER, and for His subsequent words to us right when we’ve needed them.  He has been faithful.  There is nothing in life worth more than knowing Him…and then walking with Him day by day.  It’s a lifestyle.  It’s a life built around Him.

We are also so very THANKFUL for all of you who’ve joined us on this journey.  Your prayers, cards, hugs, encouragement in countless ways has BLESSED us beyond words.  Our hearts have been touched. 

My prayer for any who may read this is that if you have never made KNOWING HIM a priority, that you will be open to starting now to seek the One who knows you best, and loves you most.

Have a blessed week.

Diana

Bloodwork was done Friday as well, and all the numbers are still too low.  They have gone up, but not anywhere close to what they need to be.  Paul finished his last round of chemo on July 21.  I remember one of his doctors saying it would be quite awhile before the chemo is completely out of his system.  He is growing hair again…and even shaves some.  And he’s gained back two more pounds! 

He is scheduled for his next CT scan on September 23.  Dr. Yee plans to do them every two months.  He reiterated that this is a cancer that likes to return.  We know about that already.  One of the men that we’d been keeping in touch with, who had this same cancer, passed away in July.  And we just heard of the passing of a man we’d met, whose esophageal cancer had spread to his lungs.  And we know another man whose esophageal tumor is inoperable.  We’ve been given the statistics, and we know the doctors hope they gave Paul enough chemo.  I’d like to add that we are aware of three men, with this same cancer, that are doing very well!  And when you think of all Paul has gone through, he has made great progress—he is mending, and improving in all areas!  Thank You, Jesus.

We go forward hopeful and expectant that the Lord IS preserving Paul’s life.  And we are grateful.  Some days ago I came across a passage I’ll share—

2 Chronicles 32:7-8   BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS.  DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED BECAUSE OF THE KING OF ASSYRIA AND THE VAST ARMY WITH HIM, FOR THERE IS A GREATER POWER WITH US THAN WITH HIM.  WITH HIM IS ONLY THE ARM OF FLESH, BUT WITH US IS THE LORD OUR GOD TO HELP US AND TO FIGHT OUR BATTLES.

That has a lot to say to us.  We know we have been in a battle with this cancer.  It’s a journey I could not have imagined just one year ago.  God has allowed it for His purposes though, and we have been the recipiants of His grace, His compassion, and His strength.  And I believe He has a reason for all we’ve gone through.  We have felt His hand upon us from the very beginning.  And the message has been consistent—TRUST HIM.  Our hope is not in the strong chemo drugs Paul was given.  Our hope is in God, the Maker of heaven and earth.  AND WITH HIM, NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT.  And the bottom line is—

Matthew 6:27   WHO OF YOU BY WORRYING CAN ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO HIS LIFE?

Isn’t that true.  We could live always looking over our shoulders for this “army” of cancer to return.  Or we can stand on God’s Word to us in the first hours of this journey—

Romans 4:18-21   AGAINST ALL HOPE, ABRAHAM IN HOPE BELIEVED AND SO BECAME THE FATHER OF MANY NATIONS, JUST AS IT HAD BEEN SAID TO HIM, “SO SHALL YOUR OFFSPRING BE.”  WITHOUT WEAKENING IN HIS FAITH, HE FACED THE FACT THAT HIS BODY WAS AS GOOD AS DEAD—SINCE HE WAS ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS OLD—AND THAT SARAH’S WOMB WAS ALSO DEAD.  YET HE DID NOT WAVER THROUGH UNBELIEF REGARDING THE PROMISE OF GOD, BUT WAS STRENGTHENED IN HIS FAITH AND GAVE GLORY TO GOD, BEING FULLY PERSUADED THAT GOD HAD POWER TO DO WHAT HE HAD PROMISED.

We are well aware that this cancer is a bad one, but we serve a LIVING, ALL-POWERFUL GOD who has given us His word to stand on, and stand we will.

I came across an old email from my friend, Veda, dated January 17, 2008.  She wrote—I don’t pretend to understand why as Christians we go through trials and why we are asked to be joyful when we are in pain.  But think about this for a minute–whenever people go through these horrible trials and come out through the other side and then share about their experiences–what do they say?  They say that they would do it all over again to learn what they’ve learned.  That they wouldn’t give up that experience for the world.  And that they are thankful!  I am excited to see what God is going to do.  It’s going to be a miracle and remember–a miracle is something that only GOD can do!  I am an optimist by nature, I can’t help it.  Whatever happens–the things we see and don’t see–He is in control!  He is always at work.

Those are good thoughts to leave you with.  Goodnight.

Love, Diana

This past week our cousin, Linda, sent a package.  In it was a wooden sign with a verse carved on it—CAST YOUR CARES ON THE LORD AND HE WILL SUSTAIN YOU.   Psalm 55:22    What is so incredible about that is that she didn’t even know that we have quite a few signs with sayings on them, and they’re very special to us.  But God knew how much it would mean to us—especially the specific verse on it!  I am finding during this season that God is so much more intimately concerned and involved with us than I’ve ever known before.  And He invites each one of us to participate with Him in the blessing and encouragement of another.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

Paul’s CT scan, done on July 14, was clear!  It showed some fluid in the chest still, left over from surgery.  The doctor, who read the scan wrote—No evidence of recurrence of disease.  No mass is seen in the chest, abdomen or pelvis.  To that I offer up praise—a humble, expectant, hopeful praise in a very loving God.

Paul completed his fourth chemo treatment, which began on July 17, and finished July 21.  On July 22 he was given a shot in the stomach to generate white blood cells.  He was given an iron infusion on July 23, along with a shot, again in the stomach, to generate red blood cells.  Then mouth sores developed under his tongue, from front to back.  He said this was one of the most painful things he’s gone through.  And he lost 7 more pounds during that time, which put him at an all-time low of a 50 pound loss.

We met with his oncologist last Monday, July 28.  We prayed on our way there for God to give Dr. Yee wisdom in what to do for Paul, with these mouth ulcers.  We sat down with him and very soon into the conversation he says, “You’re done!  I’m cancelling the last two chemo treatments.”  He asked if we were okay with it and we said yes.  All I know is that we were both totally at peace with him stopping the treatments.  We had prayed that God would give this doctor wisdom and this is what he wanted to do.  We know that chemo is not what is preserving Paul’s life anyway.  The God of the universe clearly has more for Paul to do in the land of the living!

Paul has gained six pounds back since then.  And he’s been working, and even played in an annual company golf tournament this past Saturday.  I played with him.  Yes, he’s much thinner.  Yes, he’s hair challenged at the moment.  But this husband of mine can still wallop a golf ball—and I was blessed to see it!

Today Paul had an endoscopy dilation again.  We were told when the last one was done, on May 18, that it would probably be necessary again in about a month.  He’s gone eleven weeks since the last procedure.  The time between them should continue to get longer and longer.  The doctor came in to speak to us after it was done.  He looked at me and said, “He looks great!”  I agree.  He told us he scoped all the way down through the stomach and into the duodenum and jejunum.  No sign of cancer anywhere.  He even poked and prodded the sides and never felt anything abnormal.  I can’t begin to tell you how very thankful we are.  Although we have no idea what the future holds, we will continue to trust Him ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Psalm 10:17   YOU HEAR, O LORD, THE DESIRE OF THE AFFLICTED; YOU ENCOURAGE THEM, AND YOU LISTEN TO THEIR CRY.

Did you read that?  The God of creation, the Awesome One, turns to you, turns to me, and encourages us RIGHT WHEN WE NEED IT.  In my Thesaurus these are some of the words listed next to ENCOURAGE—cheer, refresh, inspire, restore, revitalize, gladden, fortify, console, relieve, help, aid, comfort,  assist, befriend, uphold, reinforce, strengthen, side with, back up.  WOW. 

This morning I reflected on this verse—Psalm 40:5   MANY, O LORD MY GOD, ARE THE WONDERS YOU HAVE DONE.  THE THINGS YOU PLANNED FOR US NO ONE CAN RECOUNT TO YOU; WERE I TO SPEAK AND TELL OF THEM, THEY WOULD BE TOO MANY TO DECLARE.

He has a plan and we can trust Him.  That WE, dear family and friends, means YOU and ME.  He doesn’t leave us on our own, even when we go through hardship.  I believe He allows the tough times to STRENGTHEN us.  To help us really know what we believe and what matters in this life—and WHO HE IS.  HE IS GOD, and there is none other.  And seeking to know Him is the most important endeavor we’ll ever pursue.

In a little devotional my friend, Debbie, gave me, it says—FINALLY, BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND IN HIS MIGHTY POWER.   Ephesians 6:10   When you rely on God’s strength, what are you tapping into?  Not some small pool of power that fails at a critical moment.  The Christian’s strength is mighty, because God is mighty.  He who created the universe does not have a short arm that cannot reach down to your situation.  Shining stars testify to His authority.  Galaxies in space are ordered by His hand.  Cannot He order your life, too?  Ask Him to use His strength in your life, and you will have all you need.

I pondered on that one.  I pray that it blesses you too.  Goodnight.

Diana

Did any of what has happened catch God by surprise?  No…in fact, He has allowed each and every hardship for GOOD!  Weeks ago, I was writing in my quote book from a devotional, which said, AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD.   Romans 8:28

Can we truly trust that when God says all He means ALL?  Yes, I believe He does mean ALL things work together for good.  How, when, why is not ours to figure out.  What we do during the tough stuff is of importance to God.  I’ve stumbled, mumbled, cried, felt numb…and yet, I know with ALL that is in me, that I serve a loving God that is not cruel.  He is good to ALL He has made.

As I sat this morning to read my Psalm passage for the day, this is what it said—MY SOUL IS WEARY WITH SORROW; STRENGTHEN ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD.  (Psalm 119:28)  The note below in my Bible references this verse and says, God’s Word…the hope of his life.  God’s Word is my anchor, my very sure foundation, the one thing I stake my life on.

Then my Old Testament reading was in Habakkuk 3.  Verses 18-19 say—YET WILL I REJOICE IN THE LORD, I WILL BE JOYFUL IN GOD MY SAVIOR.  THE SOVEREIGN LORD IS MY STRENGTH; HE MAKES MY FEET LIKE THE FEET OF A DEER, HE ENABLES ME TO GO ON THE HEIGHTS.

Right when I’ve needed it, God’s Word strengthens me.  Have I felt weak.  You bet.  Is there ONE I can lean on who will strengthen me, day by day by day?  I’m sure of it.  A few days ago I thought about the importance of not being a spiritual “wimp”.  In our culture we want the way of comfort, ease, pleasure, lightheartedness.  But life is difficult.  Storms will come to ALL of us, at one point or another.  If we’ve never learned how to turn to the Lord with our daily struggles, how on earth will we be able to handle the really tough issues?  And what will be our witness to others if we fall apart at the first sign of hardship? 

He is there for us, through the good and the hard times, with gentleness, love, guidance.  And we each must make knowing Him our highest priority.  THEN whether it’s sunny or stormy, we walk ALL our days with Him, the One who knows us, and ALL that is ahead of us, and will lead us on this journey.

ALL in the Thesaurus says—completely, totally, wholly, entirely.  May ALL of my life be a reflection of who I am in You.  Yes, Lord.

Paul had his CT scan yesterday.  We are confidently waiting to hear the results.  And assuming the chemo regimen won’t be changed, he will start his fourth of six treatments this Thursday.  We appreciate and are counting on your prayers.  Thank you for your faithfulness.

In Christ’s love,

Diana

2 Chronicles 20:12   FOR WE HAVE NO POWER TO FACE THIS VAST ARMY THAT IS ATTACKING US.  WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO, BUT OUR EYES ARE UPON YOU.

That is the KEY.  Keep our eyes on the ONE we should be looking to.  There is nothing and no one who knows us like Him.  And He knows what is going on—whether it’s health issues, financial difficulties, job insecurity, marriage and/or family challenges, or personal struggles we just can’t seem to overcome.  When we keep our eyes on all other places but Him, it’s easy to get disillusioned or discouraged, or think the situation will never change.  That’s when we can find ourselves hopeless.

But there is ONE who offers HOPE—and He’s an Anchor that holds.  That doesn’t mean quick fixes, easy answers, a magic wand waved…but it does mean placing our lives, and the lives of our loved ones in His hands, praying for guidance and help.  Then we HOPE…we TRUST…and we walk this journey out, in FAITH, knowing there is ONE who is with us EACH STEP OF THE WAY.  And He loves us and cares for us like none other.

Paul finished his third of six chemo treatments on Monday.  He feels really crummy right now.  He says it’s close to the worst he’s felt yet.  He’s a few pounds lighter still, lost his sense of taste, struggling with ringing ears (a side affect of the chemo), head hurts, body aches, and just generally feels like he’s in a pit.  But HE’S NOW HALFWAY DONE!  And he was given his Neulasta shot yesterday, so by the end of the weekend he should start feeling somewhat better.

I’m so thankful that God doesn’t leave us on our own.  And I’m so grateful for all of you.  Yesterday I asked God to put us on someone’s mind to pray for us, because I was a bit weary.  My Mom called a little later and asked how we were doing and told me she’d really been praying.  That is SO like God.  A huge heartfelt THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for every whispered prayer, every kindness done on our behalf, every hug, email, blog comment, card.  

My prayer for you is an evergrowing awareness of how very much He loves you, and how much those things that matter to you and concern you matter to Him. 

Bless you, dear family and friends.

Diana  

Hello, dear family and friends.  Today Paul is working, as he did yesterday, and most of last week. He edged our yard Friday, and golfed 18 holes Saturday.  He will start his third of six chemo treatments this Thursday, June 26.  It will again be a four and a half day regimen, and again, at home.  He is tired of feeling crummy, tired of feeling tired, and tired of the challenges.  Me too.  But there is a PEACE in the midst that I can’t explain except to say it’s all around us.  In the thesaurus some of the words associated with peace are—calm, repose, quiet, tranquility, lull, hush, silence, serene.  That’s it.  And I know that the only reason for this peace is because we know the true Giver of Peace.

Paul has lost 41 pounds.  He doesn’t need to shave anymore.  Most of the hair on his head is gone.  Though he looks a little different from the one I’ve been married to for 29 years, his smile is still the same. 

I have a quote hung up in my pantry that says—Nothing in life makes you grow more than the way you respond to challenge.  It’s been hanging there for years, but it takes on new meaning now.  Growing…I hope so—in faith, in love, in blooming where we’ve been planted for this season.

My prayer for you today is that you, too, would bloom where you are planted.  Has it been a tough season, dark, stormy, full of uncertainty?  Holding onto the One who is with us (as in ALL of us), right in this very place, we will come through this stronger, more hopeful, deeply rooted in Him who planted us there in the first place.  And we can trust that He will provide for all our needs.  To Him be the glory!

Have a blessed week. 

Diana

It’s been a tough week.  We’ve faced a few different challenges as a family,  and I’ve been discouraged at times.  One of my devotionals spoke to my heart so very clearly—

PURPOSEFUL PLAN—Romans 8:28   AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, TO THOSE WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.——Life doesn’t always look ideal to us.  When finances are tight, family problems are serious, or things just don’t seem to go our way, we may doubt that God is working in our lives.  That’s the time we need to reread this verse and take heart.  Even things that don’t seem good have a purpose in God’s plan.  As Christians, we can trust in Him, even when life is less than perfect.

I’ve reread that devotional so many times.  I know it is true, I would just like a reprieve from the tough stuff for awhile.  But if God deems something else for us during this season, I know with all that is in me, that there is a reason for those things I don’t understand, and I CAN TRUST HIM.

In another devotional, I read today, it said—

Rest is not some holy feeling that comes upon us in church.  It is a state of calm rising from a heart deeply and firmly established in God.       -Henry Drummond

So, no matter what may come to us, or to those we love…no matter whether we can understand some of this tough stuff going on, we will continue to put one foot in front of the other, and just keep walking…one day at a time, leaning on the One that goes before us, who loves us, and encourages us in countless ways.

May you find Him to be so close to you that you would hear His holy whisper.

Goodnight.

Diana  

Thursday Paul’s hair started coming out in the shower.  He had always told me that when it started he would just have it shaved rather than letting it fall out slowly.  He had Jeff (our 21-year old) shave it, and then in honor of his Dad, Jeff shaved his head too.  So, I came home that day to Kojak and mini Kojak. 

Saturday, May 31, Paul’s arm began to swell at the site where bloodwork was done when he went into the hospital the previous Saturday, May 24.  We went to the oncologist today and there appears to be an infection or a surface blood clot.  He is on an antibiotic now, and tomorrow we’ll be at the hospital again for a test to check on the bloodflow.  It’s his left arm and it’s flushed, warm, swollen, and very sore.

Unless the arm has a deeper clot that needs to be dealt with, Paul will start his second of six chemo treatments on Thursday, June 5.  It will be as an outpatient.  I’ve picked up all the meds on my all too frequent trips to Target.  Suffice it to say I’m on a first name basis with all three pharmacists there.

Life is fairly quiet right now.  Doctor appointments, managing meds, keeping things pretty simple.  And all in all we have so much to be thankful for.  Each day is a gift.  And God is with us with every step.  The verse that comes to mind tonight is one of my all-time favorites—

Philippians 4:13   I CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.

In my devotional called, STREAMS IN THE DESERT, I read—2 Corinthians 1:8-9   WE WERE UNDER GREAT PRESSURE…BUT THIS HAPPENED THAT WE MIGHT NOT RELY ON OURSELVES BUT ON GOD……The pressure of difficult times makes us value life.  Every time our life is spared and given back to us after a trial, it is like a new beginning.  We better understand its value and thereby apply ourselves more effectively for God and for humankind.  And the pressure we endure helps us to understand the trials of others, equipping us to help them and to sympathize with them…Trials and difficult times are needed to press us forward.  They work in the way the fire in the hold of a mighty steamship provides the energy that moves the pistons, turns the engine, and propels the great vessel across the sea, even when facing the wind and the waves. 

Today is our 29th wedding anniversary.  I am thankful to God for my dear husband, and tonight we toasted with a glass of wine (Paul with more like a sip) to 29 more years.

Hold those you love real close.  Life is precious, how very aware of that I am.

Goodnight.

Diana